Irresponsible

So I finally get around to posting. I must be off or something. Anyhow, there really is nothing going on, short of me not completely keeping my promise to myself that I will go out and do more. Right now it's a financial thing and timing since I have a weird work schedule. What is bothering me is that last night my sister comes downstairs and tells me to call our mutual friend Karen because they want to work something out where we can go to an anima convention. Don't get me wrong, I would love that, but first and foremost in my mind is the fact that I have bills and there is no financial finagling that I can do at this time because I have no extra monies. I tell her I can't on grounds of no money and she gives me this blank stare and then asks what about the money she and her boyfriend gave me at the beginning of the month. My jaw dropped. She totally forgot that almost two weeks ago my car was at the dealership for work done and she was the one who gave me a ride there. I told her all my money was tied up in bills and that unexpected finance.

She then asks me why can't I. Well, I tell her it's all about having money and any money I get from the two of them automatically goes to bills and groceries for my house. I know she lives here too, but sometimes I find that she really doesn't have her stuff prioritized. If she did, she would have realized she still owes me for this month because what she gave me covers last month when she decided to splurge on Christmas gifts. Not to mention she gave me less than what she normally did for that as well. She keeps thinking she has her money to spend, but she's not in our parents' house and there are other things that go into surviving on your own.

It kind of hurt that she thought that all that money she saw me get was just that- money still to be spent. Maybe I need to raise her rent.

2 yrs really?

You know, it's still really hard. I lost a beloved pet back in 2009, and I'm still crying right around the same time. 2 years ago I lost a very special friend, and I still think about him. Oct. 27th, Lt Dan (Danny) my guinea pig had lost his finally battle with a respetory illness. I was devastated.

I had adopted him six years before and about six months in, he got really sick. My vet said I should put him down, but maybe I was being selfish, I couldn't do it. Other than the occational wheezing, that piggy was spoiled rotten. So I nursed him. He got better. He defied what odd the vet gave him and I got another five years. He was my constant friend. I loved coming home from work and pulling him onto my bed, just so I could unwind. He was the best listener, especially when I was having it out with my ex. He loved nothing more than to sit on my shoulder and nuzzle me, like he understood. Or hide in my hoodie pocket keeping my fingers warm. On and off we battled his 2nd degree pneumonia, well after I got up the strength to walk away from my ex. Sometimes I think Danny waited. He wanted to make sure I was ok. Because those were some dark days- right after the final break. Danny would bring me out of my darkness with his squeals of "you're home! You're home!" my mom thought it was the funniest thing in the world that he knew when I got home. He always did. And he also knew I would be bringing him some treat too-usually a pepper or apple.

The night he passed I remember, I had come home early from work and decided to order out. While waiting I pulled danny out to cuddle a bit. He seemed more tired than usual, but more than happy to snuggle. I returned him to his cage when I went to retreave the food and it wasn't until I was done and had returns to pull him out again did I see him labor with breathing. I tried to clear his nasle passage way and even went as far as using his medical dropped to help push air into his lungs, but even as he lay gasping on my bed and I knew he was slipping, I got the feeling that he was just glad I was there, trying. Even though it was hopeless. That was the hardest part, trying and feeling him slip away. Mom said it was meant to be. But all I wanted was Danny to breathe. Thankfully I still lived at home then. I doubt I could have buried him on my own. My dad told me I would not be in the right frame of mind and I wasn't. I didn't start really sobbing until I had returned to my room. And it just seems that right around his death anniversary I get choked up. I mean I had gotten a beta fish who sits with me at work, but you can't pet a fish.

I know I want another pig, but I hesitate because I live with my sister, and she had a serious allergic reaction when I got around to cleaning out his stuff. I really want another little buddy because she has her fiancé and can see Indy (the family dog) daily when she goes to work. I don't have that. my current bf is on the opposite coast and I get to see him a month out of the year. And because we moved out she doesn't have to worry about reporting to our mother so she can come home whenever, but for me, walking into an empty home is a sad thing. Thankfully, I haven't resorted to covering my fridge with take out menues. Not that I ever will, ordering out annoys me half the time.

New show: Once Upon A Time

So I don't normally do this, but I ended up watching this new ABC show Once Upon A Time. Best decision today. Not only did I get to see a sort of fantasy show inter-cut with reality scenes, but there were twists with the original fairy tales that were being introduced. Now the show was only one hour, not the normal 2 hr promo my sister and I thought, but it was overall really well done. Left me sitting there wondering why there was no more, but I can wait.

The idea starts with Snow White and Prince Charming's child being the one who could save the "happily ever after" that one expects of a fairy tale, and enters the realm of where such things don't normally exists like magic. We see characters that we are familiar with as well as their mundane selves (because they have no memory of it) and it's sad to watch. But the transitions from one story line to the back story line are great and I'm definitely excited to find out what happens next week.

Sad realization

So I've come to the terrible conclusion today that I have an eating disorder- or lack thereof. I mean I don't really eat. Yes this is a form of starving myself, but I am not annorecix nor am I bulimic (can't stand throwing up). I came to this sad conclusion based on the fact that I am still bothered by society's veiw on desirable females and this odd sort of discipline I have. I normally eat twice a day and with a serious look at it, I know it's not nearly enough. A slimfast in the morning and whatever else I choose at night. Yeah I know I'm hungry during the day. I can feel how crabby I can get towards the end of my day and like there is a pressure or thinning of my face. I know that there is that hollow feeling somewhere in my stomache, but honestly at this point I am not really hungry, but it would be a good idea to eat. Yet I don't. I have no idea why I don't, but I'm (mentally) just not hungry, or I should say not interested in food. I really think that qualifies as a sort of eating disorder. Knowing that kind of scares ms honestly, but at the same time it does not have me running to the nearest convenient store looking for something to snack on.
And that's another strange point- I don't snack. I work mainly at a computer an never picked up that habit.

Hhhhooootttt

So I've been having problems with the ac. Today a repair guy is supposed to come out, but I have yet to hear from them. Thenichally I have another hour to wait- but I've had ac problems since moving here in April. grrr stupid ac. Thankfully it's actually nice out so I have windows open and everything.

Can't wait until it gets fixed. It's really one of the last major things that needs to be taken care of. We already removed the overhaning branches from the roof and cleaned mold from the furnace. And the house looks so much better after we painted it. Gah- this first year of being out on my own both sucks and is pretty cool.

I almost wonder what will happen when I go and look back at what all I had to deal with for this. *shrug* At least I had my first stay-in guests as my grandparents. That's something to be proud of.

AC hates me

So I haven't been posting in a while and I've been supremely miserable. My AC finally crapped out on me and I'm not happy. I got my house at the end of March and it was working fine (not that we really needed it then) and I didn't really start moving in until about a week into April. Things were fine, we knew the heater was working and we suffered through finding mold in the furnace (not fun!) and everything was ok for a while up until it started getting hot. Seriously, you would think it would be a bit milder, but no- we had actual heat. And it was all driving me nuts- excess heat and humidity are not my friends. So I've been trying to get my warrenty company to come out and fix this problem, but unfortunatley for me my paperwork was turned in late and my policy didn't start until mid-may. WTF?! They seriously would not come out and help and I didn't get straigth answers until I told one person that this was unacceptable- I fixed my first problem and now I have a new one, you need to come out and fix this please! So now I have to wait until after tomorrow. And even then it may be a few more days after that if they can fix it at all.

Mom wasn't kidding when she meantioned the first year being a pain in the butt!

Oh my

So this past thursday was my baby sister's final concert. It's hard to believe that she's all grown up and ready to graduate. One of the ironic things (mainly because I remembered this) was that she performed the song "Sisters". I sang that song for final concert at the end of my freshman year before we ended up at her current school. It was cute though. Best part was that our grandparents were there to see that. So I spent the last couple of days hanging around with them. But this past weekend- I spent doing yard work on top of everything else.

A family friend came out to help top some of the trees that were overhanging my roof. As that was going on their daughter was helping me move them back and making a sort of "fort" with the fallen branches. It was cute. Cleaning that stuff up sucked though- I was fairly sore later.
I would try mowing the lawn today but the grass is wet and they are calling for storms all week.

And this morning my parents took one of their dogs to the vet because she had an open sore on her face from a blown nerve. I feel so bad for that dog! This is the second time that it has happened to her. Hopefully, today's surgery should take care of that.

So since moving out, I really haven't had a free weekend to myself. Last week (my first full week) was spent returning home for mother's day weekend to help out around the house. And this week was spent pretty much demoing my trees so they wouldn't destroy my roof in a storm. Maybe I should have taken my grandparents up on getting some wine coolers this weekend.